As we embark on our seventh year, I wonder: what inspired me to start Leading for Children? I’ve come to understand that my inspiration came from my lived experiences. My five-year-old self was terrified to start kindergarten. So many reasons… As I entered the huge old building, my first day of school tears distressed my father, whose efforts to calm me failed. And then, when I approached the doorway of my new classroom, there was Mrs. Carlin, kneeling, with her warm smile and sparkling eyes. Her words of welcome conveyed that she saw me, not my tears and fears. Taking my hand, she assumed my competence at making a friend and led me to Carolyn, another five year old, already busy drawing. I settled right in with my new friend.

Twenty-two years later, walking home from work in NYC, I stopped at a phone booth to call my partner about dinner plans. In a flash, everything changed as he shared the unexpected news of his cancer diagnosis. We were 27 years old. Crossing the street to head home, this shocking news froze me in my tracks. From nowhere, a cab driver pulled up beside me, swung open the car door, and gently said, “Honey, get in. I can see you’re suffering. Let’s drive around the block so you can cry, then you’ll tell me what’s wrong.” After a while, he pulled over. I shared the news and how I could not imagine what would happen next. With empathy, he said, “You’ll be okay. Right now you’re hurting, but your partner needs you — your strength, love and compassion.” He was the angel who gave me the strength to be my best self.

Mrs. Carlin and my cab driver saw me. They valued me as competent. They showed me empathy and compassion. During the past forty years as an educator and human, I’ve learned so much through relationships, some long and deep and others more fleeting. I continue to be ever more aware of how children grow and learn in relationships too. They learn about empathy, compassion, and respect from us, the adults in their lives. I developed the Humanity First Model to support us, the adults in children’s lives, to practice these vital skills together. Children are watching us — when we are better humans, they are too.